Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
