omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
