i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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