But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Every concussion has its silver lining
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
