smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
