we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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