I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
