I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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