they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dignity is for republicans.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
