Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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