Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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