it hurts more in the daytime
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
