Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
