I just cut my nipple shaving
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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