Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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