he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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