btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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