She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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