I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
