Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
