now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
