Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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