he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
