My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The uberlube is also flammable
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
