When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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