Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
