Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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