Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
