At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
