Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
