i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
