so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
