My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
