Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
