Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
