i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
