My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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