I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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