how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Randomize
