ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
