Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
