Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
