Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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