Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
