I wish I could teleport
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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