Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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