At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
