so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
