Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
