I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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